Just another weekend

Putting up a blog has always fascinated me. I know of friends and colleagues who have one and I’ve learned more about them by reading their entries. Creating a blog of my own has always been a floating idea in my head but I just can’t find the time or the energy. Sometimes, when I finally decide to create an account, I stop and think about what the blog’s theme should be or how I should write about things that really “matter.” And then I’m back to square one. Today, I’ve decided to create a blog (and hopefully, maintain it) without an inkling of what it will be about.

Our 16-month old son, Lorenzo Isaac.

It’s a great Monday morning. I’m not at the office -- a privilege I have because my current job is output-based. The weekend that passed was spent watching movies and playing with our one year old son, Lorenz. That’s what my wife (Lorelyn) and I do whenever we do not have other commitments.

Anyway, I was happy to have watched two movies with a father-son angle yesterday, namely "The Karate Kid" and "How to Train your Dragon". Okay, the first one did not really have a father and son angle but its sub-plots are related to parenthood.

Watching "The Karate Kid" reminded me of my childhood. When I was in elementary, my parents (specifically my father) wanted me to study karate but it did not materialize. I was probably too preoccupied with academics during the school year and then too busy playing outdoors during summer. Eventually, I took karate as a P.E. subject in college but it still wasn’t enough.

Somehow, I regret that I was not able to study karate or any other sport (swimming comes to mind); or the fact that I never learned to play a musical instrument. I remembered playing the melodica (blow organ) during second grade but that was it. When I look back, I think I was too intent on finishing my academics with flying colors that I didn’t get to devote a part of my time to learn other things. But past is past.

Now that I’m a father, I feel the urge to influence Lorenz so that he may pursue such activities. I want him to learn how to swim because I think it’s a necessary skill – at least, he’s got his mother to teach him just in case we fail to enroll him in formal swimming lessons. I want him to study karate because I believe it’s good to know how to defend yourself should need be; and I also want him to learn to play the guitar or any musical instrument of his choice.

But when I think about it, these are my dreams not his. I mean, how will you delineate that line as a parent? How can you say that you just want what’s best for your son when these are your unfulfilled dreams that you want him to pursue? On the other hand, you know that you are not leading him into something bad. An old saying states that our children are but better versions of ourselves, or something like it. Maybe this is what the quote is referring to. We have an inherent want for our children to be better than us -- but sometimes, parents can get lost in the process. We should remember that although we only want what’s best for our children, this shouldn’t happen to the point of forcing them to become someone they are not.

This brings me to the second film, "How to Train your Dragon." This animated film is about Hiccup, a young Viking who is obsessed with killing a dragon because his father is the best dragon fighter in their land. His father does not want to train him believing that he isn’t ready and that he’s not made for dragon fighting. Hiccup eventually discovers he does not want to kill dragons and instead trains one as pet just as his father finally decides to train him. Conflicts arise when his father learned of his pet dragon.

For me, the film was about expectations -- a father who expects his son to be “more like him” but getting the exact opposite. It’s a trap I don’t want to fall into now that I’m a father. Although I have dreams for Lorenz, I want him to create his own dreams and work hard to turn them into reality. I want him to do what he wants.

It’s funny how these two movies affected me enough to make me write about these things. I must admit, there are times when I feel scared that I may turn into the kind of father I’m dreading. It’s easy to say that I will let Lorenz be but circumstances can change once you’re in the actual situation. A lot of people say that father-son relationships are very complex especially because of society’s norms and expectations. But I want to be a deviant in this case.