A few weeks back, I stumbled upon this blog and realized that I really missed putting my thoughts, er... I was going to type “in paper” but then, this doesn’t work that way. But you get what I mean. So yeah, here goes my attempt. A lot has happened since of course. I did have a long hiatus (see blog post title) so I’m just going to focus on a few important milestones in my life now.
Well, I guess you should know that I fell in love with another girl. Hard. Deep. The kind that keeps you awake at night. The kind of love that grows on you. I never thought I’d love another girl but then she came into my world almost two years ago. Every single day, my love for her grows even deeper. Her name is Anela Isabel. And she is my daughter.
My wife, Lore, has been a full-time mom to our two adorable (depending on the time of the day) children since July 2013. You have to ask her if she enjoys it, which reminds me that I should ask (read: force) her to start her own blog.
Remember Lorenz, the little tot who was the reason why I put up this blog in the first place? You may want to check my previous posts. The mischievous boy who used to spill milk and spaghetti is now the quite-a-handful yet really loving (again, depending on a lot of variables here) five-year old kid. He is turning six this September. And he just had his second moving up day earlier today.
He finished Preparatory School a year early from the Christian Education Development School here in Calamba (the school's actually walking distance from our house). He skipped Kindergarten (call me a stage dad and not to brag!) but he finished as First Achiever and Best in Reading in his class. Okay, I’m bragging. :-) He also got the “Most Ingenious” Award. When I got the text message from my wife, I googled its definition because I wanted to get the right context as to why his teacher gave him the said award. By the way, "ingenious" means clever, original, and inventive. Hmm... sounds good to me. Haha!
So you see, with an ingenious kid and a very energetic toddler, we have our hands full. Why am I blogging then? Well, to be honest, it’s mostly Lore who looks after them. We still live with my parents so at least she has some support. I’m away during weekdays as I now work in Quezon City. It is three hours away from home so I ended up renting a room. I’ve been working there since June 2013 so you can say that we’re in a semi-long distance relationship ever since. Plus my job sometimes makes me feel like I’m living in a suitcase. Don’t get me wrong, I love the fact that I get to travel (A LOT) for work. But having two kids… I do miss them when I’m away. And you tend to always worry about how they're doing when you're working somewhere on another part of the world.
I’ve had those moments when I thought to myself that “this job would be a whole lot easier if I didn’t have a family.” Or “I wish I can extend for another day or two to explore this [insert city/country] but I’ve been gone for more than a week and I haven’t seen my wife and kids.” Another part of my brain tells me “The expenses you incur if you extend your stay can be put to better use like groceries or kids' clothes or whatever.” Sometimes, I get to a point where my thoughts would really be dark and I go back and just think “what if?”
It is scary and it can get really ugly. But you know what? As my wife said, "it's okay." Two words. But powerful and effective. Every time I fall into this pit (I think our mind is a pit and sometimes, our neurons tend to react strongly and negatively thereby altering our usual frame of mind), I’m fortunate enough to be able to crawl and pull myself up again. And I owe this to my wife. She is just the most understanding woman I have ever met. I can’t believe how lucky I am to have her as my wife and the mother of my children. Okay, I’m bordering on being cheesy here but since it’s our sixth wedding anniversary tomorrow, I should get a free pass.
What I’m trying to say is, at the end of the day, what matters most is what you DO and not what you THINK. I admit, starting a family at 23 was not the smartest plan. Heck, it wasn’t even a plan at the time. But it happened. And I (we) had to deal. We’ve had a lot of challenges along the way. And even now, we go through a lot. But we stick together - and we do something about it. Everyday, life throws us a challenge. It could be as simple as getting your five-year old kid to smile genuinely for a photograph. Believe me, in this time of Facebook and Instagram where everything gets posted, not being able to get a good photo can make you snap. Pun intended. Kidding. NOT.
But sometimes, life throws you a major challenge that makes you think. Like, will it be a good move to take my family to Quezon City so that we can be together more often? And we'll be a "real" family. TOGETHER. This way, (I hope) I can play a larger role in my kids’ lives and not just be there for them during the weekends. Of course then I’d have to think about the rent, utilities, and school. While I worry about all these, my wife thinks about how to ensure that our two kids grow up to become functional members of the society. I must admit, this sometimes also crosses my mind. HAHA! This turned out to be longer than it should be. So I’m stopping now. ‘Til next time.
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