Some universal things in life

Dear kids, it’s been a while – almost a year now since I’ve written something. Guess that shows how busy I was (still am). I do try to spend time with you whenever I can. Ask your Mom. Hehe. But I am once again not at home. I'm actually not even in the country. It is my last night here in Nepal. I’m flying out to Bangkok tomorrow and then Manila the day after. So you’ll see me in two days. I’ve been here at Hotel Himalaya in the district of Lalitpur (not Kathmandu) since last Saturday for a workshop on climate compatible development (CCD) -- though you may not want to hear me talk about that. At least not this time, but here’s a link anyway in case you get curious.

I’m writing because I want you to remember something -- something that I’ve realized ever since I’ve begun working with ICLEI. Here it goes: Friendship is universal. So are beer, music, and dancing. Learn the art of each and you will never be a foreigner anywhere.

As you know, my work takes me to places. But more than the experience of being in a new place, I enjoy the fact that I meet genuinely nice and good people from all around the globe. For me, the job is also about creating a mark and learning from each person you meet – some you would know by name, a few you would know by face, others you’d build a virtual relationship (e.g., e-mail, Facebook, Twitter, and all other platforms out there – at least until you get a chance to see each other face-to-face).

Today was the culmination of a week-long workshop attended by people from all over. We had participants from Belize, Ecuador, Jamaica, Bolivia, Argentina, Mexico, Germany, India, Nepal, Pakistan, and Indonesia. For some of us, today might be the last time we see each other (though I hope not.) But this week-long experience in Nepal is something that we will always have in common. It binds us and creates a certain connection among us not shared with anyone else. I guess what I am trying to say is, wherever you go when you become older, cherish everything that comes your way. Enjoy each moment and try to get to know the people you are with in any way you can. Trust me, it matters. And as a father (and a good student as I’d like to believe), I would also tell you this: please take your history and geography classes seriously. You don’t want to be talking to someone from a Caribbean island country and not know where his/her country is. Or you know, please pay attention when your teachers discuss about Shiva and Vishnu too.

With fellow workshop participants on the way to Swayambhu Temple

Okay, back to our topic here. The workshop ended this afternoon and I thought I would have a quiet and restful night but I was wrong. I was invited by our former ICLEI intern, Bijan (who is a Nepalese currently taking his PhD in Japan but is fortunately in Kathmandu these days for another internship). We went to a local bar called Paalcha Newari Kitchen. A little backstory: I actually sent him a Facebook message when I got here last Saturday thinking it would be cool to reconnect as we have not seen each other in (almost) two years. So a life tip here: maintain contact/s. It is not so hard these days with almost everything accessible online. 

Anyway, back to the invitation, if I was being my typical self, I would have stayed at the hotel. But I realized that it is not every day that I get to visit Nepal and have the chance to meet with a former colleague and get to see how the local night life is. So I indulged and ended up staying in the bar for almost two hours. (PS: If we were talking a few years earlier, the two hours would have been longer.)

But here is the thing I want you to know: the time I spent at the Paalcha Bar reaffirmed my belief that some things are indeed universal. Sure I downed two bottles of beer – one’s called Gorkha (a local beer) and the other’s San Miguel but my mind is still working properly. Tonight I went to a bar knowing only one person (and got to meet his friends too). I probably won’t remember their names. But I will remember the few good hours I spent there. They were very hospitable and did not make me feel out of place at all. There was a local band playing English, Nepali, and Indian songs. There were dancing (lots of it).

Paalcha Bar: Does it look like it's the first time I'm meeting all but one of them?

Those times when I was just sitting and observing, I realized I missed my friends back in PH – especially my high school and college friends who have seen me as I went through a number of changes in my life (college, grad school, marriage, fatherhood). When you kids came, a lot have changed – foremost, your Mom and I weren’t able to spend as much time as we want to with our friends. Goodbye late night outs, bars (not that we were so much into it), and sleep overs. That comes with parenting. And it’s not that we regret it or anything. But I want you to realize the value of friendship in your lives. It is important. As I watched this group of friends dance the night away, I realize how lucky I am to have similar people in my life. There are quite a number of them and you do know them. They’re your Ninongs and Ninangs. I hope that when you grow older, you find similar people who will see you through the bad stuff when we (your Mom and Dad) cannot – and it’s not because we don’t want to but because you need other people apart from us to help you through. We've been there, But believe me when I say that whatever it is you are going through, we are here for you – probably not in the way you need but in the way that we know how as parents.

I’m feeling a little heavy-headed now. I’m feeling the need to sleep. I’m happy to have spent my last night here in Nepal with a friend (across the distance) and some new faces who were not really my friends but made me feel like I was one while I was at Paalcha Bar. Maybe I miss having such moments with my friends. Maybe I miss having drinks and not caring too much about tomorrw. But kids, that is not the point I want to make. When you grow up and see the world, never forget that friendship is universal. It speaks the same language everywhere. Beer, music, and dancing – they’re quite the same too. Master them. Goodnight.

Love lots, Dad

Disclaimer: When I talk about the beer, I'm not encouraging you to drink. But if you do try, please be the master and not the other way around.

Let [your children] go

Something insightful happened while I was traveling back to Kuala Lumpur airport from Melaka last Thursday. It was the taxi ride. The taxi driver, Din, is probably in his late 50s and speaks good English. The moment I got in the cab, he started telling me about the great things you can do and see in Melaka. I told him I was actually there for work and that I wasn't able to do much exploring but I hope to come back for a leisure trip. But it wasn't only Melaka's rich culture that Din shared with me during the two-hour ride.

We talked about a number of things -- food, traffic, weather, work, to name a few. He also asked if I have a family. I told him that I have two kids -- a five-year old boy who may start primary school this year and a little girl who is celebrating her second birthday the following day. Din told me that he has eight kids. He had four children with his first wife and then she died. He remarried and had four more children.

I tried to picture myself with eight children but couldn't go beyond the two I have right now. Eight is just too much -- and it isn't just about financial needs. The idea of raising eight human beings is far more terrifying than any horror movie I've watched. But Din seems to have done well. His youngest is now 14 and goes to a boarding school in Melaka. The next youngest, a college student in another city while the rest of his children are currently based in UK and USA. 

I was surprised to learn that out of all the eight children he has, no one is physically with him now – at least every day. In the course of our discussion, he said that “at some point, you have to let [your children] go.” I think I still I have enough time to prepare myself for when either Lorenz or Anela tells Lore and me that they want to study elsewhere or move to another city for work. Of course, this will mean not seeing them every day -- maybe weeks, months, or even a year. It will mean not talking to them regularly because they probably have other things to do or peers they’d rather talk to.

This will happen in the far distant future and I’m not sure how it will change me. But I want to believe I’ll be okay with it – that I’ll be the type of parent who understands his children are grown ups who don’t need him the way they used to. It means that my wife and I have done our job. But for now, I’m just glad I still see their faces light up whenever I come home from work.

How things were. I grew up in a sheltered family probably because I am an only child. I was a straight-A student. I neither got into serious fights with other kids nor caused big trouble for my parents. I know some household chores; though on the downside, not doing them works better for me. (Kids, do not emulate your father on this note!) I am immensely grateful for what my family, especially my mother, has done for me – and not just for me, but over time, for the family I have built. But I think growing up in such a sheltered environment has impacted me in ways that I am only beginning to understand now that I am also a parent trying to make sense of how to raise good children.

Five years ago, I was always scared of being away from my family, which was an irony because I've always wanted a job that entails traveling. My fear was that some harm may either come to me or to my family while I was away. I could die from a plane crash or some weird accident and then my family will be left with nothing. I did not want to think that way but it was how my mind worked back then. 

I don’t exactly know how or when I changed. Perhaps I eventually got used to leaving home because work continuously required it. Maybe I became too busy to entertain the fears that used to consume me. Or could be that I simply became more mature about life. Whatever the cause, I am happy not being that person anymore.  

How things are. When I look back and psycho-analyze, I think the fear is deep-rooted and hit close to home (literally). I realize that the home I had (and still have) is too comfortable. To some extent, I think my parents tried to make me more independent yet they also wanted to make sure I was always okay. What I mean is, they were so good at doing what they do that they have hard-wired something in my head assuring me that if I fall, they will be there to pick me up. I have come to get used to it. So much so that when I had a kid at 23, I returned home to them when I was almost practically living in another town (just 10 km away though) since I was 18.

Six years, a wife and two kids later, I still live with my parents. I help out in the house of course but (almost) everything my family needs is at our disposal -- food cooked and prepared for us, roof over our heads, plus extra helping hands whenever we need someone to watch over the kids. It’s all good but as time passes, I’m not sure it is the best.

Slowly, I am starting to understand why I was afraid to leave home (even before I had a family of my own). It’s because I did not want to let go of what is comfortable, of what is familiar. The home was just too homey it makes me not want to leave. But reality is, often, you need to let go because that’s how you learn to stand on your own feet. Now that I have children of my own, letting go has become even more important.

How I hope things will be. I don't know if there is an effective learning approach to teach independence. But if there is a module, I want to read it. I don’t want my kids to be scared of leaving home and being away from us -- the way it happened to me. I got over it but sometimes I wonder what I missed out or what will change if I hadn't been so afraid back then.

A colleague of mine has an eight year old son who will be attending boarding school this coming school year. This means they will only be together during the holidays. I was amazed at how such a young kid can already be so independent. I was even more surprised to learn that the boy started going to a semi-boarding school when he was only six! My colleague had a brief explanation: “I’m his mother.” Her response was just so spot-on. Now I truly believe that parents, to some extent, can shape how their children see the world and how they eventually fit in it. (Of course, there’s always that whole nature vs. nurture thing but I do not want to argue about it now.)

I've always told my wife that I want our children to be better than us. I want them to grow up knowing that the world stretches far beyond the four corners of our home. I want them to think that the world is not as big as it seems and that it is just waiting to be explored -- eager to feed their minds with wonderful experiences. These experiences may either be shared with us or something that they created for themselves. I will assure them that Mom and Dad will always be glad to listen to their stories be it face-to-face, via phone call, Skype, or whatever they use to communicate.

I want them to know that sometimes it's okay to not be okay because it's how we learn. I want them to veer away from home knowing that they can and will find their way back. I want them to let go of what is familiar and comfortable so they may discover their own weaknesses, and in time, find their strengths as well. I get what Din meant when he said “at some point, you have to let [your children] go.” But I think, for this to happen, we as parents should also teach our children that it’s okay to let us go.

Of airport lounge, plane, and hotel room

Dear kids,

Earlier, I left the house with just enough time to get myself to the airport assuming all variables were normal. Then again, almost all variables weren’t in their normal form today. I have miscalculated the fact that it is a Monday and it’s the Holy Week which means many people are taking vacations. I also encountered traffic at the expressway because of a vehicular accident.

Upon arriving at the airport, queues at the check-in counter and immigration were insanely long. I honestly thought I wouldn’t make it but I did. In fact, I’m sitting in the plane as I type this. I think it was some good manners and a bit of luck which got me here. But you know what would have surely gotten me to my flight? Promptness and preparedness. So as I sit here, possibly 33,000 feet above ground, let me share some lessons I learned earlier.

On promptness. I’ve had my fair share of running around the airport because I might miss the plane. It happens to the best of people. Some things are beyond our control. But it is ALWAYS better to be prompt. This means providing more leeway if you have a flight to catch because a two-hour lead time isn’t enough sometimes. So if we’re traveling in the future and I get cranky because leaving the house takes forever, trust me when I say that it is better to wait longer at the airport than miss a flight. Promptness isn’t my best suit but I try. And promptness should not just apply to flights – you should always be respectful of other people’s time. Remember that the world does not and will not adjust its pace for you because you’re running late.

On preparedness. Last week, I lost my company ID. Since I am traveling on official business this week, I asked our Admin Officer to issue a certificate of employment in case the immigration officer asks for a company ID. This rarely happens but I thought to myself: “just in case.” And what do you know? After enduring more than 30 minutes queuing at immigration, I found myself face-to-face with an officer asking for my company ID. What I’m saying is if there is a probability -- even if it is very small -- that something can happen, then it can happen. And if you can do something about it, DO IT. Anticipate and then act. It is always better to be prepared.

As for me, today I have learned not to prepare my luggage haphazardly. Otherwise you forget something essential like your shorts. That was something I did not anticipate. Sorry for the TMI, kids. (TMI may not be as used as it is today by the time you're reading this so to spare you the Google search, it stands for "too much information.")

On having good manners. I've already told you about the long queue at the check-in counter. What I didn't tell you was that I was able to check in ahead of almost maybe 30+ people on queue. Here's how it happened. I tried to do mobile web check-in but could not do it because the system was asking for a five-digit reference number which I could not find. I ended up asking the airline staff at the web check-in counter where to find this. Unfortunately, she didn't know and said that mobile web-check in can sometimes be difficult. I asked if there was a kiosk I could use but she told me there was none and advised me to go back to the queue.

At that time, my mind was already racing. I will definitely not make it to my flight if I do that. I wanted to scream in frustration and complain about their system and how the regular check-in process is too slow. But I didn't. Instead, I politely asked whether she can process my itinerary despite the fact that I haven’t done web check-in. The next thing I know, I had my boarding pass at hand. 

Kids, when things go wrong, sometimes we adults just want to scream and blame something or someone. But trust me, it accomplishes nothing. If you ever get into a similar situation in the future, keep calm and remember your manners. Those small things preschool teaches in values class, they matter. In fact, I think there should be values education for adults. Doing so will help improve the world.

On being lucky. I believe in a little bit of luck. I believe that when you think about positive things, you tend to attract them. I thought I was lucky the airline staff accommodated my request. Or the fact that I am here, safe and sound in this nice hotel room in a new city. I actually wrote this in three locations hence the title.

Anyway, it is past 11PM and I still have work tomorrow. Goodnight kids! When you're older and happen to be reading this, you might think "Dad did that weird parenting again" when all he wanted to do was share his airport stories. I wanted to tell you in person but I might forget. Plus a five- and (almost) two-year old will not really be interested to hear these. I do  hope someday you will listen to my silly stories. I probably sound like Ted Mosby right now.

But I'm doing this because the days are changing too quickly and I'm not with you most of the time. Sometimes, it is just too hard to leave the house because I miss you a lot. And as much as you can both be some pain in the butt, life is always more fun with you and your Mom. :-)

With lots of love from Melaka,

Dad

After 3 years, 11 months, and 20 days

A few weeks back, I stumbled upon this blog and realized that I really missed putting my thoughts, er... I was going to type “in paper” but then, this doesn’t work that way. But you get what I mean. So yeah, here goes my attempt. A lot has happened since of course. I did have a long hiatus (see blog post title) so I’m just going to focus on a few important milestones in my life now. 

Well, I guess you should know that I fell in love with another girl. Hard. Deep. The kind that keeps you awake at night. The kind of love that grows on you. I never thought I’d love another girl but then she came into my world almost two years ago. Every single day, my love for her grows even deeper. Her name is Anela Isabel. And she is my daughter.

My wife, Lore, has been a full-time mom to our two adorable (depending on the time of the day) children since July 2013. You have to ask her if she enjoys it, which reminds me that I should ask (read: force) her to start her own blog.

Remember Lorenz, the little tot who was the reason why I put up this blog in the first place? You may want to check my previous posts. The mischievous boy who used to spill milk and spaghetti is now the quite-a-handful yet really loving (again, depending on a lot of variables here) five-year old kid. He is turning six this September. And he just had his second moving up day earlier today.

He finished Preparatory School a year early from the Christian Education Development School here in Calamba (the school's actually walking distance from our house). He skipped Kindergarten (call me a stage dad and not to brag!) but he finished as First Achiever and Best in Reading in his class. Okay, I’m bragging. :-) He also got the “Most Ingenious” Award. When I got the text message from my wife, I googled its definition because I wanted to get the right context as to why his teacher gave him the said award. By the way, "ingenious" means clever, original, and inventive. Hmm... sounds good to me. Haha!

So you see, with an ingenious kid and a very energetic toddler, we have our hands full. Why am I blogging then? Well, to be honest, it’s mostly Lore who looks after them. We still live with my parents so at least she has some support. I’m away during weekdays as I now work in Quezon City. It is three hours away from home so I ended up renting a room. I’ve been working there since June 2013 so you can say that we’re in a semi-long distance relationship ever since. Plus my job sometimes makes me feel like I’m living in a suitcase. Don’t get me wrong, I love the fact that I get to travel (A LOT) for work. But having two kids… I do miss them when I’m away. And you tend to always worry about how they're doing when you're working somewhere on another part of the world.

I’ve had those moments when I thought to myself that “this job would be a whole lot easier if I didn’t have a family.” Or “I wish I can extend for another day or two to explore this [insert city/country] but I’ve been gone for more than a week and I haven’t seen my wife and kids.” Another part of my brain tells me “The expenses you incur if you extend your stay can be put to better use like groceries or kids' clothes or whatever.” Sometimes, I get to a point where my thoughts would really be dark and I go back and just think “what if?”

It is scary and it can get really ugly. But you know what? As my wife said, "it's okay." Two words. But powerful and effective. Every time I fall into this pit (I think our mind is a pit and sometimes, our neurons tend to react strongly and negatively thereby altering our usual frame of mind), I’m fortunate enough to be able to crawl and pull myself up again. And I owe this to my wife. She is just the most understanding woman I have ever met. I can’t believe how lucky I am to have her as my wife and the mother of my children. Okay, I’m bordering on being cheesy here but since it’s our sixth wedding anniversary tomorrow, I should get a free pass.

What I’m trying to say is, at the end of the day, what matters most is what you DO and not what you THINK. I admit, starting a family at 23 was not the smartest plan. Heck, it wasn’t even a plan at the time. But it happened. And I (we) had to deal. We’ve had a lot of challenges along the way. And even now, we go through a lot. But we stick together - and we do something about it. Everyday, life throws us a challenge. It could be as simple as getting your five-year old kid to smile genuinely for a photograph. Believe me, in this time of Facebook and Instagram where everything gets posted, not being able to get a good photo can make you snap. Pun intended. Kidding. NOT. 

But sometimes, life throws you a major challenge that makes you think. Like, will it be a good move to take my family to Quezon City so that we can be together more often? And we'll be a "real" family. TOGETHER. This way, (I hope) I can play a larger role in my kids’ lives and not just be there for them during the weekends. Of course then I’d have to think about the rent, utilities, and school. While I worry about all these, my wife thinks about how to ensure that our two kids grow up to become functional members of the society. I must admit, this sometimes also crosses my mind. HAHA! This turned out to be longer than it should be. So I’m stopping now. ‘Til next time.

Our Little Promil Kid

We changed Lorenz' formula milk last January from Nan HW Three to Promil Kid. Our pedia advised us it might be a little hard to shift because of Nan's unique formulation. Thankfully, she taught us a scheme to facilitate smooth transition.

At the time, Lorenz was drinking eight ounces of milk three times a day (his drinking habits still haven't changed, by the way). Hence, we mixed seven scoops of Nan plus one scoop of Promil at the onset. Everyday, we would reduce Nan's proportion by one scoop and add one scoop of Promil. We adjusted it until such time that he was accustomed to Promil's taste.

Our pedia advised us that when switching formula milk, more than the toddler's preference, parents should also observe and monitor changes in bowel movement (i.e., frequency, color, form, and texture) as well as weight gain.

We were fortunate that Promil neither upset Lorenz' stomach nor adversely affected his weight. In fact, he quite enjoyed the shift. Such was his enthusiasm that earlier, he couldn't wait for his milk to be prepared. We didn't really know how it happened. We lost sight of him for probably just 10 seconds and the next thing we knew...

Wow, powdered milk!!!

Hmmm... Tastes good!!!

Look at me, Mamee. Don't I look happy? :-)

We inferred that he was trying to reach his milk dispenser and eventually, two layers toppled on the floor along with the content. This puts a whole new perspective on the warning: Keep out of children's reach. And his now empty Promil can has served another purpose -- it has become one of his toys.

More of Lorenz' (mis)adventures in succeeding posts.

Post-anniv Dinner Date at Café d'Asie

Mamee (yes, that's how we spell it!) treated me to a buffet at Café d'Asie, Bellevue Manila last April 4 as post-celebration of our second wedding anniversary. Technically, this was the first time I experienced eating in an international buffet at a first class hotel. For a relatively picky eater like me, there were lots of options to choose from -- Japanese, Mexican, vegan, and an assortment of sweets. The buffet table was a feast to the eyes. 

Although I think I wasn't able to maximize the food, it was still a great experience for two reasons. First, it was time well-spent with my wife after a very busy week at work. Second, we were able to avail the full buffet with unlimited iced tea for only PhP650 per head (half of its original price) courtesy of Ensogo.

The buffet table

Happy 2nd Anniversary, my wife!

03-28-09

When I look back, I realized where I went wrong. I went overboard on my first plate by filling it with rice. I did enjoy the first serving since the food was really great plus I was very hungry (I came from Los Baños and went straight to Alabang). However, by the time I was done with my second plate, I was already too full to enjoy the tempting desserts.

Plate 1: Superb and filling. The sweet and sour shrimp was the best.

A sweet encounter indeed.

As much as I want to eat more, I just can't. I was too bloated and I don't think my stomach can handle another serving. So I guess, the lesson here is simple: when eating at a buffet, don't be in a rush. Try to enjoy a little bit of everything first and then just come back to get those which you enjoyed best. Also, don't be shy to go back. It doesn't matter how many servings you get -- it is after all, a buffet.

I won't say NO to another buffet experience at The Bellevue. In the not so distant future, my wife and I would definitely try it again -- possibly with Lorenz. :-)

___________________

CONTACT DETAILS: 

Café d’Asie at The Bellevue
North Bridgeway, Filinvest Corporate City, Alabang, Muntinlupa City
Philippines 1781
Tel:(632) 7718181 Fax: (632) 7718282
www.thebellevue.com.ph

Two years

As much as I don't want to leave tomorrow, call of duty dictates otherwise. And yes, we're just going to be apart for a day. What is that compared to the 364± days that we can be together? It just sucks that we have to be apart on our day. 

March 28, 2009: It was that fateful Saturday when we made a commitment in front of our family, friends, and relatives.

"I, Ranell, take you, Lorelyn,
To be my wife;
To have and to hold,
From this day forward,
For better, for worse,
For richer, for poorer,
In sickness and in health,
To love and to cherish,
'Till death do us part..."

 

Two years passed by quickly. It seemed just like yesterday when we were goofy college students trying to figure out what we want (we're still doing that 'til now). In reality, that was five or six years ago; then we got married, had a son, and now we're learning how to be good parents everyday... Photographs tell us that a lot has changed (including our weights).

I just want you to know that I'm truly happy to be where we are right now. Sometimes, I want to stay still -- get lost in time with you. But we both know that can't be done. So let's write and weave a wonderful story because I know, ours have just begun.
 

Before I become cheesier than usual, I'll keep this post short. I LOVE YOU and HAPPY 2nd ANNIVERSARY!!!